rain, rain

Well I suppose I should give background before I say what is happening now.

Most people know that I'm not madly in love with this job and my boss, Larry, as he shall be called, has never attempted to make it any easier. Well for the past month or two he's been particularly hard on me. Calling me into his office for regular conferences. Telling me I needed to be more animated. That parents are complaining about me. He would tell me I'm not fun enough. Tell me I need to do better lesson plans. He'd do impressions of me. So I have not been super happy about it, but I figured the right thing to do was to just accept it--try some of his advice (some things I can do--suddenly become extremely confident and animated isn't really in the agenda) and the other stuff just ignore and eventually he'd back off. Well he didn't. He kept telling me I did too much writing and not enough speaking. That I'm boring. Told me I needed to be an actor--because teaching and acting are the same thing. He even started yelling "HELLO EVERYONE" in his office and had me do it too. At one point he told me he believed in me. So yesterday--10 minutes before class he tells me I need to do only speaking. No writing all day. I said ok and walked away and sat down. Then I realized that that meant--I now have to throw out everything I planned. I was tired of him picking at me. So I went to Tgreen and said I wanted to leave, but I wouldn't do it if she thought it'd be bad news for her. She encouraged it. And so I grabbed my bag and walked out 5 minutes before my first class. The manager caught me as I got into the cab and asked where I was going and what I was doing. And I told him I was leaving. He asked if it was what Larry said and I said yes and it's ridiculous so I'm leaving. He finally let the door close on the cab and I went home.
Now I know them well enough to know the next move. They would come to my place and bang on the door. Wanting to avoid that--I grabbed what I could really fast and then got out of there. I took a cab and went to the area where my friend lives. Called him and asked what time he finished work. He said at 6 so I had about 2 1/2 hours to kill. So I walked around and enjoyed the day and the adrenaline high I had from leaving work. Finally my friend MC got off work and we met up. I asked him how he felt about going to seoul for burritos. He was down and we set off. The burritos were great except I didn't grab enough cash at my place so I couldn't buy as much as I would've. Got home around 11:30 and I called tgreen to see what the damage was. Apparently no one was mad. Not only that but many of them felt sorry for me. Tgreen had found out further that larry had made up the complaints. And not only that, but he wasn't going to bother me anymore.
After getting that news I was feeling back on top. But apparently Larry had also implied that he might have my passport. (I gave it to them so we could finally finish my visa). So after some time I got pissed off again. They might have my passport--he lied and made all the complaint bullshit up. I became extremely furious again and decided not to go to work the next day (today).
I finally got some sleep and then woke up and left a note on Tgreen's door letting her know that I wasn't going. Then she came up and tried to talk me out of it. I told her that I wasn't coming but I'd think about it and if I changed my mind and I'd come in later. She said ok and then left.
I started to think about it and realized that maybe she was right. I should probably go in. I was pushing it a little too far. I heard her coming up the stairs again and was about to tell her that I'd be there but I'd be late when it wasn't Tgreen but rather her mate. Mate has been sick the past two days and has missed work because of that. He didn't talk long--or really at all. It was more yelling than anything. He basically told me I was a fucking coward and a baby and that I was fucking him over and he's sick and then he walked out and slammed the door.
So, once again, I changed my mind. Decided I wasn't going to work after all. Because in a way he was right. I was being a coward. I've been letting people walk all over me. Larry and Mate both. I've been avoiding both of them. They've both been picking at me telling me how I and what I should be and I've done nothing. Mate has a tendency to try and give me 'tough love' seminars. Wherein he attacks me and tells me his opinions disguised as facts. There's little point in arguing because...well you can't really argue with Mate.
So I decided that Mate isn't going to bully me into doing what he wants me to. Maybe I am a baby. But I do know that when Mate decided to disappear for a while I left him alone. I was sick and I covered his classes. And when they asked me about Mate I just said I didn't know anything.
I'm tired of the 'do as I say not as I do' bullshit.

I don't know. So yeah. Hasn't been a great day. I'm sure everyone at work hates me now but I don't really care. Too pissed of to give a shit right now. I kind of wish Mate hadn't come up. If he hadn't barged in with his false sense of bravado then I probably would've been at work by now. But I had to choose--be a coward and not go to work or be a coward and be bullied into going to work. I wasn't given many options.

So yesterday I didn't work because of Larry. And today I'm not because of Mate.

I'll go back to work on Monday early and talk everything out and accept whatever it is they have to say.