been a while

can't tell if I run towards or away from things. Possibly both. I'm revolted by the idea of settling down. Sends a bolt of electricity down my spine to think about it. I don't like feeling the moss gather at my heels. If I stay in one place for too long I feel a sadness come over me and, if that goes ignored, I feel the need to do something drastic. I suppose as a way to shake off the moss. The big problem is that when I take that jump I set in motion a wave that crashes into everything around it. Those who have been around me the longest seem to have come to understand, predict, and shield themselves from these waves but to all those who are new to them they come as a shock and they are left reeling in the wake. I can't blame them. I just keep hoping it'll stop. Maybe old age will cause me to settle. But even that idea scares me and disgusts me.