hallelujah

Same old thoughts popping up again and again--just like clockwork. Watching the wonder years something very poignant was said...basically to the extent of "as children we are everything--scientist, athlete, musician, artist...nothing but possibilities lay before us." Can't help but dwell on that lately. The options have come and gone...I can't help but feel I've wasted a great deal of potential. Not saying I'm amazing, but there's a lot of people who are practically retarded doing better than me...guess my inferiority complex is getting watered from the rain clouds over my head. I keep thinking that there is something wrong with me...that at any moment I might do something terrible, but I don't want to talk to anyone and I don't like feeling like I just sit around feeling sorry myself. Seems like everyone is fascinated with the idea of needing professional help nowadays, but I don't want to be like that....just begging for attention and pity. Sometimes I think that's all I want...and if that is the case I want to ask someone how do I get myself to stop. I don't want to sit around wallowing in my own self pity. Just stupid that my problems are so insignificant but I feel so completely overwhelmed by them. Seems like I never deal with any of my problems and I just silently stack them in the corner and the pile is towering now...ready to topple and drown me in its wake. Pretty sure I'm just being dumb...been a problem of mine for a long time. Stupidity seems to be in my blood...quickly trying to drown out any last remnants of brilliance that swim in my mind. I assume by my 40s simple addition will be beyond me. I'm in a bit of a catch 22 socially...I feel like I am not as likable as I could be and if I simply made myself more appealing then more peoople would naturally like me but I don't feel like changing anything...no need to dumb myself down...just sucks to be happy with myself while the reviews from the critics are anything but rave. hallelujah....hallelujah...I'm boring jamie.

Coheed and Cambria - Wake Up...song of the now

I was going to write a post...I actually have one saved right now as a draft but I really don't feel like posting it so in lieu of that I'm posting this poem/lyrics/thoughts that I wrote down. I know they're bad and I haven't proof read them and, honestly, probably never will. But for those looking to read something about how I'm feeling write now...it should catch you up pretty well.


No time for air
Your lungs are running on empty
but you have to keep up the pace
or you'll get too far behind
please god don't you stumble
because then you can never show your face
Finish line is coming in view
but once you get there there'll be another green flag
without a break you'll go on
and start another race anew
you've got nothing left to give and everything to lose
you were always the one who could roll with the punches
and now you're just covered in bruises
keep looking to the prize
feeling forsaken with thighs quaking
and tears in your eyes
Don't get lost or go too slow
don't take a break or stop to enjoy the view
time is a finite resource
and you're running low
keep having dreams unravel
of going your own way
but most times no one will ever notice
the time you actually took "the road less traveled"
keep a smile on dear atlas
even though your back is breaking
in the end no one survives
all drop at different times
but in the end
you can only wonder
was the trip worth taking?

well

decided to start a new blog. Primarily on the basis that apparently xanga has gone from cool to for high school kids in the matter of what seemed to be a few hours. Everyone seems very intent on keeping the impression that they're "too busy having fun college lives to post". Who knows they might be...I wouldn't have the faintest idea of that lifestyle and the commitments it entails. Anyways this blogger thing seems to be the way that all the "big kids" post and bitch nowadays so here I am.

welcome to the magenta colored fries and yellow skies







I have no idea what that means...but it sounds neat.