update time--like hammer time but with value

had an anxiety attack today. Not really too sure why--I guess because I had such a great past few days. We had monday and tuesday off for lunar new year and taylor, curtis, and I all hung out. I had a great time and going back to work was something I didn't want to do. To go from having a great time and back to a job I'm not a fan of was depressing I guess. I don't know. Just felt like I couldn't do it today. So had an anxiety attack--which gave me a migraine--second one this month and so this time they didn't want to let me go home--I decided that I'd try and tough it out for them. Ended up going away and I was fine. Not really much to say--going back to my closed book ways. I've gotta go into work early tomorrow to catch up on stuff. Today really wasn't a bad day actually. Had to be an asshole to my students because the manager wouldn't uphold my punishment. So he told them they could leave and I had to yell at them "No--go back." Sigh--but I don't like those kids so it was kind of fun. They didn't write their diaries so I made them go to the library to write them and he was going to let them go home. Sucks when they don't back you up. But good that I'm getting ballsy enough to tell go against what Roy says. Taylor helped out too--had my back and whatnot--yelled to Roy that this class has discipline problems and to not let them go home.

Emily came back to the school. Kind of figured she would but I'm still sad about it. She escaped--I was envious. Hopefully I'll be doing the same soon. Curtis thinks i should stick out just to prove something to myself--prove that I can deal with the shit and finish what I start. I told him I'd think about staying longer. I'm still pretty undecided. I've already got dates and parties when I get back--be a shame to bail on that.

Need to try and see a bit more before I leave, but I've blown too much money lately so I need to wait. Really trying to have a few grand for when I go back home. Be nice to go home with about 3, but we'll see. Korean won is shit right now so who knows what I'll get back with. Just did the math--I should have at least 2. We'll see. Still be a nice little wad of cash--enough to get started with anyways.

Curtis wanted me to wear new shoes because the kreans think my converse are dirty, full of holes, and gross. I think they're dirty, full of holes, and awesome. But the think I look homeless. So today I wore my nice black leather shoes...I went from looking homeless to them saying I looked rich. Dumb. I love my shoes. My students called them trash. I do have a pair of shoes I really want though--wanted for a while. And we hunted pretty hardcore for them--I give you, my new dream shoes:

They look suede but they aren't.. the ones I want aren't anyways. I want navy keds. Granted, keds only makes women's shoes. So I'll have to hunt down a knock off--vans makes a shoe that's very similar but they only have royal blue thus far...and I really want navy. We'll see what turns up I'm so into those shoes it hurts right now. Pretty kick ass though right? I mean I can totally see me rocking these bad boys. And trust me...in a few months they'll be on sale at Urban outfitters or some other place that loves to rip off my ideas. They always copy me but release a more polished version of my ideas. Assholes. Everyone mocks me when I wear my stuff but then it becomes cool soon after. Price of being a visionary. The old man sweaters, the sock bands, the thrift town t shirts--just about everything I think of is lame but imitated. But I love it. So I can't really complain--but I find a way to.

I went
but you left

I'm engaged...that's cool though right?

Been thinking about why I came here more and more. Is it cowardly to go back? Even if I came here for the wrong reasons to begin with? I mean I don't even like travelling. Why would I think I'd like this. Good that I've learned what I have. I flirt too much. I need to learn to not be so anti complimenting people. So much to do so little time.