Steve McQueen and me

Well there is really no easy way to say it, so I'll just come out with it; I might be leaving Krea early. Pulling what they call a "midnight run". Basically you just pack your bags and get the hell out of dodge as it were. I've been researching it quite a bit and have already pretty much decided how it'll be done. First, I'll mail some of my stuff home. Hopefully enough to where I'll still have the same luggage I came with...but it won't be jam packed. Hopefully be mostly empty. Luckily my boss doesn't keep tabs on me when I'm at home really so I can sneak off pretty unnoticed. Second, I'll have to get a plan ticket...I've pretty much settled on a travel agent in seoul as the best way. I'll pay cash and hopefully get a good deal. I have no bank account so that's easy...no need to close anything out and set off any alarms. All my money is in my desk. So I need to start saving money now. I've got about a grand in my desk. But I could use some more seed money for if and when I get home.


So really there isn't much to know. I will feel bad for leaving without a word and without reimbursing my ticket that they bought for me here. But as of now there isn't much I can do. I went over the contract and it said that if I want to quit I have to provide notice and reimburse the ticket plus continute working until a replacement is found and only get paid 70% of my normal wages. Plus let's not forget how mad they'll be during this time so work won't exactly be a great comfy environment--they'll be pissed and it'll show...be so awkward. Now if it was only that I had to continue working and pay back the ticket...I'd do it...or if it was that I had to continue working for only 70% and not pay back the ticket then that'd be fine, but both of those things are a little to heavy for me. Especially since the value of the won is down. Back when they bought my ticket here they paid about $850 (850,000won) for it. Now if I pay them back I'm sure I can't just look up the won to dollar rate for when I came (which was about what I just said: $1 = 1000 won (not exactly but much closer than it is now.)) They'll expect me to pay them the modern currency amount of $850, which right now with the won exchange rate it'd come to about 1,068,875. Which is quite a bit more then I'd like to pay. I mean, it's not very fair for me to have to pay about 200,000 more than they did. Especially since, despite the value not being as high as it was, nothing has really changed price wise here (except the cabs...they've gone up the assholes). Everything has remained the same and the won is expected to return more to normal in the next several months. But anyways. That's neither here nor there. Just a random thought with exchange rate and all.


So I can't really quit in the way stipulated in the contract--which is how I arrived at the ole "midnight run" idea. I looked online to be sure that this couldn't come back to bite me in the ass and it apparently can't. Most of what I read said that there really isn't anything they can do about me taking off except keep me from coming back for a long time by black listing me. Which I really wouldn't mind because, even if I should ever decide to return to work in krea I don't think it'd be for a while. So that really isn't a huge concern. Now there is the fact that I also couldn't visit, but, alas, after living here for several months I really don't forsee any visits in the near future. I probably never would've been too interested in a vacation in Krea anyways. Not that it's an awful place--just wouldn't be my top choice when there is so much else to see in the world. Sorry if you love it, but if you do--who are you and why are you reading my journal?


So here's the basic skinny on all this--I have been here for about 4 months. So I'm almost to the halfway point. I don't want to get overly specific on why I want to leave but I'll basically say that I am terribly homesick, there are some things going on back home that I can't do a thing about here (family stuff), and I don't really like the place I work at. I'm not going to lie, it's no horror story--it really isn't. Most of my complaints are fairly fun of the mill--I don't have it the best but definitely not the worst either. I do a fairly decent job at work. I show up and teach and do everything I'm really supposed to do. However there are things about life in Krea I just cannot get over and just bother me to no end. In and outside of work--I don't want to really get into it because I don't want random angry people posting and whining to me about how I'm wrong on a personal opinion and that Krea is so wonderful blah blah blah. I'm just posting this to my friends and to vent--if you've stumbled onto this and you feel you must comment then make it a nice one, if not then just click the x in the top right corner. Anyways, I do think my work situation is pretty crappy in some ways. We recently went to japan to complete my visa stuff so I could be legal (we were supposed to go when I first got there since I was only allowed to be in Krea for a month but he decided to just wait until November--after I had been illegal for a good two months). We got there and the trip was miserable (he didn't get a hotel and he somehow found a korean restaurant and made fast friends where the people offered for us to eat and sleep there). Mmm just what I had planned on when I heard I was going to japan--nothing like leaving Krea to eat more Krean food and sleep on the floor of a restaurant with my boss who sleeps in his briefs less than a foot away. SO blah blah blah the trip wasn't ideal. That's ok I survived--but when I got my check last month the entire trip had been deducted from my paycheck. Close to half of my paycheck gone for this trip. Now it had been understood that he would pay because I could've finished my Visa from home but he wanted me there sooner than that so he said japan was an idea etc. etc. However, he was gracious enough to say on the print out of my deductions that he had decided to pay for food and lodging on the trip. Oh how generous--our food and lodging budget was ZERO!! Except for when we ate at Mickey D's before finding the Krean restaurant. Some big shot. Anyways, that's the worst of it really, most everything else that drives me crazy are just small things but they're small regular things. Overtime small drops of water can wear through mountains. Now I've never been a mountain of tolerance but still. Also Kreans in general get on my nerves--they're pretty racist and have no problem with staring/pointing. Also they seem to think I'm an idiot because people will often speak in Krean around me and say words I know...such as teacher or american or my own name. Pretty easy to catch your name. But the tone they have you can tell it isn't flattering. I don't know...I'm not going to critique their society. Some things are just different but the racism and staring gets old. Now it might not always be racist staring...this country isn't exactly a melting pot. All koreans all the time. So when I walk in I do stick out, but still. There are enough westerners to know that I'm not the first one they've ever seen. And besides, get a look and then move on. If people were to take a subtle glance it'd be all well and good, but they stare and will point. Almost run into things because they are so engrossed and hypnotized by me standing there. At first it was kind of neat, made me feel like a celebrity or something, but that changes rather quickly into feeling like a freakshow. Now that could just be me. Maybe I'm too sensitive and paranoid. All very possible, I am the kind of person who prefers to be left alone for the most part. I don't know. I'll quit rambling--I'm sure I'll be getting angry comments on this or whatever, but what can you do? So yeah. I haven't decided for sure what I'm going to do. I think the holidays might've just been really hard and I'll toughen up and be back to my normal merry self. But as for now things haven't been so great for a while. So if you're my friend and reading this--I'll very possibly be back in about two months. I'm pinching my pennies and will be coming home with some cash in tow. Whether I come home after finishing the contract or in two months--I'm going to have enough to get together with everyone and party. I'll let you know.

It will suck to lose a good reference though--and a year long job in a foreign country reference would look pretty good on my resume. But if I'm not happy, I'm not happy. And I promised myself I would never let myself get this bad again. Here's to hoping it just passes. I can't stand feeling like this anymore.